Tuesday, August 9, 2011

please no stupid speculation..... i need some me time....

The randosity blog started as a sort of hobby over a year ago... It was a really random hobby that had started up for various reasons. First and foremost I simply wanted a place to just open up and say what I need to say. In recent months it has kind of devolved into my own pseudo-philosophical ramblings on gaming, religion, music, and movies. While it will, for the foreseeable future, stay that way, I feel I just need a moment to clear my head of my own personal bullshit.

Starting off...

They say time heals all wounds, but at times I find myself bitter over those that scorned me in such a way that was a MAJOR game changer for me. I won't go into details on the who and why because I know already that some of you are reading this. It's a psychological thing I guess. I spend so much time trying to help others, trying to make others feel better, that, when I really need it, almost no one is ever there for me( save for a couple of key exceptions). But, me being me, and not wanting to cause more trouble... I bottle shit up. When I really feel shitty, I will hide it. If it's something petty, that's one thing, but my major major major issues, I just can't arse other people for help. And that's the way it's always been. Coming up in a small catholic school, where damn near everyone hated me,( kinda because i made a total ass of myself in second grade) It didn't help anything. Looking back now, I realize there are maybe 3 or 4 of any of the people I met at that school that I would really ever want any more contact with, some of which I still see on a rare basis(very rare).

Something that really kicked my ass though was high school. I was thoroughly unprepared for it. I tried so hard to fit in, to make friends, and I only made enemies. I managed to find my place with a group of like minded individuals, all of which I would gladly call my best friends through those years. The toughest part of high school, was learning the people who I thought to be my best friends long before that, would turn on me at the drop of a hat. It's not something I want to talk about... EVER. I eventually dropped out of high school.( i got a GED with a score averaging higher than the average high school graduate though, so that's something.)

It was after high school that I learned of my own social ineptitudes. Not everyone shares the same sense of humor, and it can, QUITE OFTEN, get me into trouble. And it has.... QUITE OFTEN. I have an inability to connect with most people. It's not anything so petty as a general disdain for their actions. On the contrary, I can't connect with those who find themselves so taken with what is "popular". Not those that genuinely like it, those that like it BECAUSE their friends like it.(a chart doesn't tell me what's good, my ears do) Stupid things like that drive me up a wall, and it makes me feel bad that in the past, I chewed up so many people over such closed mindedness, where i was the one without the open mind.

I do complain a lot, I bitch and moan as much if not more than the next guy. Does that mean i'm any better or worse than the next guy? no. I will spout pseudo-intelligent bullshit all day long to try to"make others see the light". And after this blog post, WHERE I AM CLEARLY INSULTING MYSELF FOR IT, I'm gonna do it some more, because, despite my own self loathe, my own contradictory statements, I ENJOY THE RANTS. They allow me to vent, to let off steam, and if you just happen to step outside your shell to experience another's life style, well, more power to ya.

THAT ALL ASIDE, I would like to personally thank you for reading my ramblings.... and to those that did read this all the way through, I thank you for listening, it means a lot... it really does...

now, it's time for a reintroduction...

My name is naithan, I'm 19, turning 20 in less than a month.
I am a lover of all things music, movies, and gaming.
I love many, but few so close to my heart as to make myself vulnerable( all of you know who you are...)
I dislike ignorance, even though i am subject to random bouts of it.
I will ramble on... .and on..... and on......( and so on and so on)
This blog is about whatever the fuck I want it to be about. So it is, and So it shall stay

here's a picture of homer in a hole....

Thank you for all reading this.... and.... for something completely different,

I love you Elly.

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